You know, if there’s one thing that makes me happy, it’s to see the 3 biggest uber-huge internet conglomerates also known as Facebook, Google and Microsoft, come together and unite. This kind of harmony has not been seen in our region since NSync and Britney Spears’s combined world tour. Or since the notorious joint venture between Kim Kardashian and fatness-reduction features on Photoshop. Seemingly, the 3 monsters have decided to tackle the PRISM shenanigans together (but to do it separately, coz hey, they got their street cred to maintain, man), and ask the court for permission to release to the public information on exactly what and how much information they were requested to reveal, by the NSA. This is after we’ve been getting, during the past week, contradicting reports - on one hand the NSA keeps saying they had their contractors tap anyone anything and anywhere, freestyle, and on the other, we have Zuck, Page and Ballmer saying, WE were in control of the whole thing, releasing just the amount and channels of information that we were requested.
Well, much like Kim K and her fatness hiding efforts with a dull software, these efforts of the 3 giants, too, may look clean and proper from afar, but if you look closely it’s a BIG, old, cellulite-filled mess. Here’s why.
Yes, indeed they all called on the U.S. government to provide greater transparency. Google was first, asking for permission to disclose the number and scope of data requests, including confidential requests made under the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA). Microsoft Corp and Facebook Inc soon followed (awww…) with similarly worded statements in support of Google.
Even Twitter got into the mix and tweeted in support of Google (“@Google totally digging your request to disclose, man + coming to the BBQ on saturday?”).
So all in all – things are shaping up there in the Valley!
But as expected, whistleblower dude Edward Snowden returns to rain on everybody’s parade AGAIN, insisting that you can wiretap Obama if need be, and that the NSA really didn’t need anyone’s permission to do anything. Could someone please hook that kid up with a solid hot date and something to smoke, please?… jeez. But have no fear, whistleblower!! Iceland is ready to take you in. Apparently they have a thing for that kinda stuff, after offering the same refuge in the Wikileaks fiasco. So pack up your sweaters and brush up on your skiing – but oh, what do we hear, if it isn’t Snowden (appropriate name :)) dissing the Iceland invite?! well, duh, he’s trying to get invited to the prom by one of the cool Caribbean islands - hey, fair enough.
Meanwhile, you gotta admit that when you say “PRISM”, you TOTALLY think of Shia LaBouf, right? I mean, who better to forecast this kind of debacle than this douchebag. Well, totally out of the blue, we get a 2008 Tonight Show appearance promoting “Eagle Eye” where Shia LaBeouf gives us a warning we should have listened to – LaBeouf tells Jay Leno about the film’s FBI consultant showing him old phone calls he had made years prior to working on the film. And when you think ‘totally boring ‘what are you wearing’ type of calls made by Shia LaBeouf’ you automatically think – bingo – PRISM. It’s like he’s a fucking PROPHET :) …. yeah. stick to acting. or.. well.. don’t.